http://www.funnyhumor.com
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between
lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: Did you hear about the group of terrorists that
hijacked a plane full of lawyers?
A: They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
A: They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
A: Senator.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: "Your honor."
A: Senator.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: "Your honor."
http://brainden.com/lawyer-jokes.htm
What do you call 5000 dead criminal defense lawyers
at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
A good start!
A new client had just come in to see a famous
lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes
he will even tell the truth.
http://www.thehumorsource.com
How can you tell when a lawyer is
lying?
His lips are moving.
His lips are moving.
Why do behavioral scientists
prefer lawyers to rats for their experiments?
1) there are more of the lawyers to work with,
2) lawyers are more expendable,
3) lawyers do more harm to society than rats,
4) lab assistants are less likely to develop a bond or feel sympathy for lawyers,
5) rats arouse more feelings of compassion and humanity,
6) lawyers multiply faster,
7) rats have an innate right to life and liberty,
8) animal rights groups will not object to a lawyers torture,
9) rats have more dignity, and
10) there are some things even a rat won’t do.
1) there are more of the lawyers to work with,
2) lawyers are more expendable,
3) lawyers do more harm to society than rats,
4) lab assistants are less likely to develop a bond or feel sympathy for lawyers,
5) rats arouse more feelings of compassion and humanity,
6) lawyers multiply faster,
7) rats have an innate right to life and liberty,
8) animal rights groups will not object to a lawyers torture,
9) rats have more dignity, and
10) there are some things even a rat won’t do.
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
Professional courtesy.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of
them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
If you see a lawyer on a bicycle,
why don’t you swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.
It might be your bicycle.
Why does California have so many
lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic waste
dumps?
New Jersey got to pick first.
dumps?
New Jersey got to pick first.
http://www.manwalksintoajoke.com/lawyers
An incompetent attorney can delay
a trial for months or years.
A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
How do you stop a lawyer from
drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water.
Shoot him before he hits the water.
Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my
honest opinion.’ Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
What do you have when a lawyer is
buried up to his neck in sand?
Insufficient sand.
Insufficient sand.
Why don’t you see lawyers on the
beach?
Cats keep covering them with sand.
Cats keep covering them with sand.
What’s the difference between a
shame and a pity?
If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an
honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the
floor. Who gets it?
The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
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